


Favourite

by jeanjmo



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M, episode: s03e20 Favourite Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-11 12:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20546075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeanjmo/pseuds/jeanjmo
Summary: Tom struggles to come to terms with Harry's new status as Teresian, Harry does too.





	1. déjà vu

“ Didn’t we already pass a trinary system like this?” Harry asked from his spot at ops. Tom didn’t look back but at the sound of his friend’s voice but his attention was peaked, as it always was when Harry Kim was involved. But let’s not overanalyze that, Tom thought, and double checked their course.

Commander Chakotay answered no to Harry. Tuvok gave a typical over complicated Vulcan reply to which the Captain graciously translated to déjà vu.

_Déjà vu? _Harry letting nostalgia get the best of him again? Tom liked to chalk any remembrances of alpha quadrant life up to nostalgia, although anyone else onboard Voyager could tell you it was something a lot deeper than that.

“ Yeah. Um, I guess so.” Harry said in an amused way, and maybe nobody else caught the hesitation in his voice, but Tom did. He wanted to look back and see Harry’s face, try to get a real read on what it was Harry was feeling, but Tuvok announced an approaching ship and Tom had to be sharp just in case—

“ That ship is going to fire.” Harry announced with urgent certainty.

“ What?” Asked Chakotay.

“ I am detecting no threat.” Tuvok retorted, but that didn’t matter to Harry, who rerouted tactical control, charged weapons and fired on the seemingly unthreatening Nasari.

Now Tom _really _wanted to look back at Harry but he couldn’t spare so much as a glance before having to focus on the evasive manoeuvring of Voyager. In less than five minutes engineering just about blew up, B’Elanna was out of contact due to who knows what, and Harry was no doubt blaming himself right now even though it wasn’t his fault – okay, maybe it was a little – but Tom was so worried about him his hands were clumsy on the controls and half of the fire they’d taken could have been avoided.

Tom, clumsy on the controls? Now that was new. Harry taking over tactical and starting a violent altercation on first contact? That was definitely out of order. Maybe some sort of alien virus in this part of space… Was Harry horribly ill and he hadn’t even noticed?


	2. discord

B’Elanna wasn’t breathing, her brain functions were plummeting, and Harry walked into sickbay – or rather was marched in by a security detail – just in time to witness the effects of his inexplicable intuition. His former certainty, the somehow _knowing, _that the other vessel was dangerous to them was beginning to fade and was being replaced with the paralyzing knowledge that he might be responsible for the death of one of his closest friends on the ship.

He felt himself go pale, break out into a cold sweat. How could he have done this? Put everyone he loved in danger based on a gut feeling?

Thank god, _thank god, _the EMH was programed so well. B’Elanna let out a splutter, she was breathing again. Harry felt his own lungs exhale.

__

“ Computer, location of Ensign Kim.”

“ Ensign Kim is in Sick Bay.” The computer chimed.

Sick bay, again? Without thinking Tom was up and halfway across his room when he thought maybe Harry didn’t want to see him. Well, he pretty much knew Harry didn’t want to see him, the giveaway being when he scowled at him from behind the security detail on his previous exit from sickbay. Tom had rushed down, some lame excuse to the captain, thinking Harry would want to talk this over with someone. But Harry just scowled, shook his head and looked away. So Tom came to the conclusion that maybe the young Ensign needed some time to process on his own.

When he’d ignored his comm that afternoon, and when he’d locked his room and not answered Tom’s incessant chiming of the door that evening, Tom got worried, but what could he do but wait? Earlier Tom had chalked his behaviour up to guilt, embarrassment, something that could be mellowed out with a pint of synth ale at Sandrine’s or in the privacy of Tom’s quarters... They were _best friends_, why couldn’t Harry tell Tom what was up? Tom wanted to be respectful of Harry’s boundaries but now he was in Sick Bay again and _fuck it _if Harry didn’t want to see him, Tom needed to know what was going on.

__

“ B’Elanna, I’m really sorry you got hurt.”

“ Hey, it’s all part of the adventure of space travel, right?”

“ I know, but um…”

“ What? What is it?”

An embarrassed laugh, “ never mind…” Overly formal, “I’m glad you’re going to be alright.”

“ Uhh, thanks…”

The Doctor cut Harry’s attempted apology off short, which Tom, who had been stealthily watching from the doorway, had been listening in on. It wasn’t until Harry turned to leave that he saw the reason for the visit to Sick Bay. Red speckles creeping out from his hairline, Tom might have thought it wasn’t a bad look if he wasn’t so damn concerned.

As soon as Harry was out of earshot of the other’s Tom confronted him, “ What the hell happened to your face, Har?” He automatically lifted his arm to put on the other man’s shoulder, as he normally would, as he did all the time, but stopped midway, remembering Harry’s recent distance.

“ Doc doesn’t know.” Noticing Tom’s aborted gesture of familiarity he added, “ It’s not contagious Tom,” with something of a grimace.

“ No, of course not.” Tom raised his hand to Harry’s forehead, “You know, I have some medical training, I could always look you over-” Tom began in jest but Harry ducked away from the hand Tom was attempting to feel his temperature with.

“ Not now Tom, I’ve got to meet with the Captain.”

Tom was left alone in the corridor. His anxiety for Harry’s health was replaced with anxiety of another kind, something he couldn’t place.


	3. DNA

Harry’s weird dreams had been happening well before his spots appeared. When they’d first arrived in the Delta Quadrant they had been about his mother, like last night, and sometimes he had been a boy again, back on earth. Other times they were about Libby, about clarinet recitals, showing up for his Star Fleet exams in nothing but his underwear, becoming Parrises Squares champion for another year. After the months, the years, on Voyager started to pass, his dreams began to morph, become about his daily life; Neelix’s food gaining sentience and attacking the ship in fluorescent syrupy slime, Tuvok getting the same tattoo as Chakotay, the Captain promoting him to Admiral so long as he always kept his right hand glued to the bridge of his nose and Tom… Tom and him stranded in a shuttle adrift in space, Tom and him coping with wonky holodeck malfunctions, Tom and him stuck in a prison on Akritiri… Not all of these dreams were pleasant. And those of them that were… Harry didn’t really like to think about when he was awake.

And he certainly didn’t want to think about them now. Now that he had untrustworthy instincts, what was he going to do next? Shove someone out an airlock because he was absolutely sure the environmental controls on Voyager were being tampered with? Eject the warp core because he was positive the borg was using it to somehow track them? He had spent so much of his life learning the right way to do things, memorizing procedures, studying anomalies, just so he would know how to act in the most appropriate way should something happen. So far, here in the Delta Quadrant, that work had paid off, the crew trusted him, he was proud of his steady competence.

But now? B’Elanna almost died. Who would be next? Tom? He didn’t want to think about it. It was all he could think about. He could only hope this was due to some sort of illness, preferably curable.

He entered the Captain’s ready room fully prepared to be dismissed of duty until they identified the cause. He gave his speech, assuredly, masking his inner conflict, but the Captain stopped him.

“ Harry, they were charging weapons.”

“ I was right.” It was a breath, a statement and a question all in one.

__

Tom wasn’t on the bridge when Harry was told he was of a different species, that being Teresian. Chakotay had last minute rearranged the crew schedules, Tom wasn’t on Alpha today. Innocent coincidence or had the Commander noticed his fumbling hands trying to pilot their way out of the last conflict?

When he felt the ship lurch and accelerate into high warp shortly after Harry had left him for the bridge his stomach dropped, and not in a space sickness induced way. What was happening now? Another conflict? Most of their systems were still down, they were extremely vulnerable to an attack. Harry was up there, was he somehow involved again?

Tom’s head began to swim. He wanted to run to the nearest turbolift and burst onto the bridge, see for himself what was going on. Instead he went to his quarters and anxiously paced, waiting for an announcement from the Captain, or better yet, Harry to show up at his door and tell him it was nothing.

He was extremely attuned to the movement of the ship when he focused, he could feel it slow to impulse and then stop. No sudden jolts, no evasive maneuvering, they must be safe, he concluded, thoughts turning to Harry again.

Commander Chakotay himself delivered the PADD that held the away mission details to Tom’s quarters.

“ Tom, got a minute?” He said in his polite tone, but it wasn’t a request, this was official business.

“ Sure.” Tom said, allowing the Commander into his slightly less than orderly quarters.

“ We’re about to head down to the surface of a planet we’ve just approached, Teresia.” He began.

“ Alright… and?” Why was the Commander acting so formal about something they’ve done a thousand times already?

“ You weren’t on the bridge when we found out, so I thought I should fill you in before we head down to the planet’s surface. Ensign Kim is, or the Teresian’s claim, a member of their race.”

Tom gave an amused laugh, “ I don’t see what you mean Commander.”

“ Harry’s spots? They’ll look pretty familiar when we get down there.” The Commander smirked, handed Tom the PADD and headed back for the door. “ We leave at 1300 hours,” less than half an hour from then.

Tom stood there, dumbfounded, for almost an entire minute before hitting his comm badge. “ Paris to Kim.”

No response.


	4. Utopia

Harry was still on the bridge when Tom tried to contact him. He felt a confused pang at the sound of his voice, but he was in the middle of a discussion with the Captain and Tuvok, the focus of which was _him_, so he couldn’t exactly excuse himself.

Chakotay had moments ago personally volunteered to take Tom a PADD containing the away mission details, which was strange but the Captain had no reason to deny him. Harry figured Tom had probably just received the news and wanted his take. He felt suddenly guilty for ignoring him over the past day. Tom had an easygoing, emotionally unattached exterior but Harry knew better than to think those traits went core deep. Or at least he hoped he knew.

Despite the guilt, or maybe this only added to it, Harry didn’t want Tom on this mission. He couldn’t explain why, just that the need to be away from his best friend felt necessary. Something about being near Tom made him feel erratic, and the last thing he wanted right now was to be out of control. So maybe some strange DNA coding could explain why he’d fired at the Nasari, and he was relieved at that, but he didn’t know what else he might do and that thought scared him. He needed to be in control in the face of the enormity of his current situation. He needed to be calm. Tom’s encouragement to loosen up, his disregard for order, rules, might only worsen the situation.

When Chakotay had suggested they take Tom down to the surface - instead of Kes who was the more logical choice in terms of analyzing the medical claims of the Teresians - Harry wanted to protest. However, due to yesterday’s events, he held his tongue, not wanting to overstep his position unnecessarily, even if his tactical takeover had turned out to be warranted. He was hoping Tuvok would at least point out the flaw, but he seemed satisfied with Tom’s ability to perform DNA scans.

Whether he wanted it or not, Tom would be present at his alien homecoming.

__

Tom had been afforded some beautiful vistas upon materialization on other worlds, but few so lovely as a flock of Teresian women confidently striding towards him with warm smiles and open arms. Never mind, not towards _him_, towards Harry. The tallest and most elegant of the bunch actually kissed Harry on the lips and Tom felt his guts squirming around as he shuffled uneasily and tried to catch Harry’s gaze, but Harry was focusing very intently on the apparent leader of the Teresians. He was asking questions, brushing aside the fawning hands of the women, in an oh-so-Harry-Kim-down-to-business sort of way.

That reassured Tom; not even the most beautiful women in the Delta Quadrant could distract Harry Kim from being a professional Star Fleet officer.

But that reassurance didn’t last. In the space of a few minutes, Tom could see Harry relaxing into the environment, into the touch of the women. When he brushed his hand against the cheek of a girl who brought him a drink Tom couldn’t help but to exclaim, “ Harry!”

But Harry didn’t take his eyes off the girl, “ that’s how Teresian’s say thank you, isn’t it?” There was no embarrassment in his voice, only a wondrousness that the natives immediately responded to in favour. Tom felt another pang. Jealousy? It was usually _him _with the charm, could he seriously not handle that his friend was receiving attention this time? I must be some level of insecure asshole, he thought, to not feel that Harry deserves this attention more than anyone.

“ I know it all feels strange now, but you are one of us Harry, can’t you feel it?” One of the girls, Eilann, asked.

“ Yes. I can.”

Tom was feeling increasingly ill.

__

Harry had never experienced anything like this. His confidence over the last few years had bloomed, surely, but only because he usually put in double time to assure himself he was worthy of his position as a bridge officer. He had showed up on Voyager green, eager, full of self-doubt and hesitation. He had proven himself time and again, received the trust and reassurances of his Captain and fellow crewmates, yet none of that compared to the feeling of coming home.

In the hour that the away team spent on Teresia’s surface Harry felt he had found his solid positioning in the world. Here he was able to immediately decipher complex language systems and communication, here he had an answer for his drives and passions that he had not had on earth. He was being told that this is why he felt driven to leave earth in the first place. He was being told he held a position of honour among his people. Were these things he had always been waiting to hear?

He had beamed down to the planet full of doubts, but those were quickly ebbing away and being replaced by familiarity and comfort. His desire to learn more about Teresia overpowered any disbelief.

__

Tuvok and Janeway exchanged sceptical glances, and Tom felt maybe his sickness was founded on something. For the entire away mission he lingered close to Harry when he should have been helping Tuvok gather medical data. He couldn’t help it, he wanted to know everything they were telling Harry, he wanted to be brought into the circle. But he was never invited, barely looked at by the Teresians, but worse than that, entirely avoided by Harry.

_Okay okay, _Tom told himself, that’s not fair. What would I do in his place? Certainly I’d allow these lovely ladies to distract me from anyone else, how can I blame Harry for doing the same? Especially if he really _is _reuniting with his people?

But no matter what he told himself he was anxious to get away, extremely glad when the Captain finally announced they’d be leaving.

“ I’d like to stay awhile.” Harry announced, and Tom felt his stomach drop. He found himself walking across the room before beam out, putting a hand lightly on Harry’s shoulder, leaning in a little closer to his ear than he needed to, and saying softly “ we’ll see you later” but he had a sinking sensation when he uttered those words, like maybe, maybe they wouldn’t. Harry barely turned to look at Tom, with a distracted smile in acknowledgement cast his way, before turning back to the four beauties draping their affections over him, _rather thickly, _thought Tom, unimpressed. Taymon, the only other Teresian male present, had explained rather smugly that he would be married to three women that very evening and Tom wondered how Harry would react to that custom.

Finding out your best friend belongs to a different species wasn’t an entirely outlandish experience in the delta quadrant, but it didn’t mean that Tom _liked _it. It wasn’t that he had any problems with the Tersesians, to all appearances their planet was a utopia. It was more precisely because he couldn’t see a single problem with the place that bothered him. If Harry really is Teresian, as they claim, he thought, then how could he ever choose a doomed seventy year travel back to the alpha quadrant instead of claiming his place in his, apparently, rightful home? How could Voyager compete? The same stale crew, corridors, spotty holodeck programs, replicator malfunctions, Neelix’s experimental cuisine and…. Well, _Tom. _How could any of them even begin to ask Harry to choose Voyager over Teresia?

Tom squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to think about Harry choosing three beautiful wives over him. It was incontestable, he knew that, but he didn’t want to. He opened his eyes again, focusing on his duties at the conn. They were on their way to parlay with the Nasari, and he needed to be sharp if they got into another heated conflict.

Which luckily they didn’t.

Luckily except for the fact that the Nasari told them that there was no way Harry was coming back with them, that no fresh Teresians ever did.

Tom felt his stomach turn in knots, he felt lightheaded, was already punching in coordinates to turn the ship back around to Teresia before the Captain gave the command.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How explicit are we hoping this will end up?


	5. Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's skeptical and Chakotay helps Tom come to terms with something he's been ignoring.

Harry might have been feeling a new sense of confidence and security with his Teresian identity but the Original Harry Kim hadn’t been entirely undone. Taymon, Eilann, everyone here, was trying to tell him that this was where he belonged. That he should sit back, relax, enjoy. Abandoning the image of eager young Ensign Kim was an appealing one, the possibility of it was certainly being facilitated here, but what did that really mean?

The initial intimacy of touch between him and every Teresian woman he’d met had been unwanted, strange. He hadn’t pushed away entirely for fear of causing offence; every alien planet had their customs, and apparently, this wasn’t so alien. He adjusted, tried to let the touch sooth him, unwind.

He couldn’t help but wonder what their expectations of him where. While the people here were happy to meet his every bodily need they did not seem to trust him intellectually. The answers they gave to his questions, of which he had many (he was still Harry Kim, after all) were unsatisfactory. He tried to tell himself that he was the one rushing things, that all answers would come in due time, that everyone simply was in the mood to celebrate and he shouldn’t ruin it.

Taymon assured him that all his desires to explore space, his family calling him their “miracle child”, his musical and mathematical talent, was explainable by his - no longer - hidden genes. Eilann purred into his ear it was true, that he was special.

He was reluctant in believing them, but he tried. He smiled to himself, thinking, if I were Tom, I wouldn’t hesitate at a chance like this.

__

Tom loved being a pilot. He knew it was were his skills were, he felt confident while doing it but more importantly, trusted. Something he didn’t get a lot of anywhere else in life. In moments like these however, he wished he could do something more. He had basic medical training, sure, but would that help Harry now? He was stuck, waiting for someone to ask him to do the driving.

Naturally, he was waiting in Sandrine’s.

Logic, everything he knew about Harry Kim, would dictate the Teresian’s were holding him on their planet against his will. There was no way honourable, loyal, Ensign Kim would abandon his crew, even if he was a different species than human, which the Doctor had pretty much debunked. But what if, Tom kept thinking, this was what he wanted. _What if _Harry really didn’t want to come back? _What if _he didn’t care that the Teresian’s forged his DNA and fabricated a story, he wanted to be there anyway? Tom couldn’t know for sure, and he could never ask Harry to leave what he wanted, if this was it.

He was startled out of his melancholy by Chakotay taking a seat beside him.

“ Tom.” He greeted.

“ Commander.” Tom nodded, taking another gulp of water. Just water tonight. If they found a way to break through the polaron field blocking access and communication with the planet, with Harry, he needed to be on his game.

“ I know you’re worried.” The Commander began, and Tom’s reaction was to scoff. Chakotay began again, “ I know you’re worried. But we’ll get him back. Why don’t you go to bed Tom? It’s going to be awhile before we figure out how to get through that field, and you look like you could use the rest.”

“ I don’t think I can sleep.” Tom answered honestly.

“ Well, you definitely won’t be able to if you’re sitting around here.”

“ Are you ordering me out?”

“ No… Call it a friendly suggestion.”

“ And since when do _you _give _me_ friendly suggestions?” Tom knew he was bordering a line he shouldn’t cross, but he couldn’t help it.

“ Look Tom, I know you and Harry…” He hesitated. What could he be insinuating? Whatever it was, he decided not to say it. “ Harry’s important to all of us, we’re doing everything we can, and we need our best pilot functioning optimally if we want to succeed in getting him back.”

“ Why are you taking such a personal interest, Chakotay? Ever since Harry got caught up in this you’ve been at my shoulder, what gives?”

“ Tom… It would take someone with a void of empathy not to notice Harry’s good for you. I frankly don’t think I could handle being on this ship with you without Harry there to balance you out.” Was the Commander joking? He did have a mischievous look in his eye. He clapped Tom on the back as he stood up. “ Now get some sleep, we’ll let you know first thing when we’re ready to retrieve Harry.”

Despite not wanting to follow a “friendly suggestion” from Chakotay, Tom could see the merit of it and did go back to his quarters. Only problem was he couldn’t fall asleep. Inadvertently the Commander had given Tom a knew angle, one he’d been diligently trying to avoid, of considering his anxieties over the distance between himself and Harry. Laying back in bed, it loomed over him.

Things hadn’t been simple between Tom and Harry for a long time. Easy banter bordering on innuendo while walking the streets of an alien city. The accidental brushing of thighs while swimming in the warm ocean of a Risa-esque planet. The unusually long eye contact held over the tops of frothy Delta Quadrant ale in a space station bar. Always on some other world, somewhere else, where the possibilities of life were unknown and expansive, not the confined rigidity of Voyager life.

The only time a moment of sparkling uncertainty ever followed them on board was after Akritiri. They had blown a week of replicator rations and were lounging, bellies bursting, on Tom’s couch. Maybe it was the food, maybe it was the softness of the furniture after a week on a dirty floor, the flooding of warmth the release from the clamp brought, an apology for a violence Tom knew Harry wasn’t responsible for, or simply testing that his friend was still there, alive, breathing, that compelled Harry to place his hand on Tom’s thigh.

The heat of Harry’s hand could hardly have traversed through the fabric of his clothing, but Tom felt it prickling his bare leg. He looked over at Harry, who had his head laid back, eyes closed, expressionless except for a resonance of calm he hadn’t seen in far too long. Tom’s breath caught in his throat. Maybe it was the ricketiness of his exhale that broke the spell, because Harry opened his eyes again, removed his hand and sat up. It was casual, like nothing, and Tom made a joke he can’t remember now and filed the lingering sensation of that touch into his catalogue of things-to-deal-with-later (meaning probably never).

It wasn’t as if Tom had never had an experience with another man before. He had, plenty of times. Fleeting, sexual moments, usually brought on by a healthy dose of alcohol and loneliness that evaporated as soon as the dawn sun hit the edge of the horizon. It was the same with women. He was as competent with flirtation as he was with piloting controls, unless, of course, Harry Kim was involved.

Maybe it was perfectly simple, and Tom was denying it.


	6. Jolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry hasn't had much time to think about what's happening, until now.

While Tom was in the midst of deciphering some deeply buried feelings Harry was having his own existential crisis. The Joining Ceremony, between Taymon and his three wives, had freaked him out more than he would have expected.

“ Don’t you find it exciting?” Eilann had asked, with a glimmer in her eye.

“ That’s one way to put it.” Harry had responded, straddling the line between playing it cool and revealing his doubts. Before sifting through his feelings and determining the root of them his immediate reaction was to return to Voyager, or at the very least check in. He needed a friendly voice. Or more precisely, he needed a voice that wasn’t cooing him into submission.

The lack of response was like a jolt.

He could feel his laidback façade crumbling and the usual comfort of explicit explanations grabbing hold of him again. _But he didn’t want to be like that anymore. _Young Ensign Kim was his human form, he was Teresian now. It was for this reason that he let the smiling face of the Teresian leader subdue him, accepted the champagne Starfleet protocol would warn against, and told himself not to worry about Voyager.

Despite these efforts, he was not in a partying mood. Throughout the night he continuously felt himself drawn into his own thoughts. What had happened to Voyager to keep them away without sending word? Did the Teresians know something more about it and were deceiving him? What would be the goal in that?

At a certain point it came to his attention that maybe the Teresians were benefitting from his newfound relaxedness. Startled, confused, wishing he had his clarinet to help him clear his mind, he lied to Eilann and Rinna, who hadn’t left his side the entire night.

“ Tired you out already? We’ve barely had any fun.” Pouted Rinna, but Eilann brushed her off.

“ Harry’s had a busy day. He probably wants to be somewhere more private.” With a seductive half smile Eilann held out her hand and Harry allowed her to show him to his quarters.

When they arrived in the room Harry wanted nothing more but for her to leave immediately, she had other plans.

“ Get into bed.” She commanded.

“ Are you going to tuck me in?” He half joked, but was more annoyed than anything.

“ Tuck you in?”

“ A human custom.”

Eilann was uninterested, becoming pushier by the second, her hands caressing him where he did not want them to go. He stayed tense, unreceptive, which luckily seemed to convince her that he hadn’t been lying about his tiredness.

She settled for tracing his face in the essence of some native flower. The scent was intoxicating, for a brief second he almost regretted not accepting her touch, but thankfully she left him to his pleasant dreams before he did anything stupid.

Alone, free to consider, all he could think was _what the hell is happening here? _And wish he could speak to Tom about it. That realization was also like a jolt. Why had he been ignoring Tom these past days? Because Tom made him lose control. Because Tom made him want to reach out and touch things he shouldn’t. Because Tom made him want to taste things he was better off not knowing the flavour of.

The initial abandonment to his instincts in entering Teresian space had been horrifying, but also like a premonition. It wasn’t only horrifying because the consequences had been the near death of B’Elanna.

The day before any of this had begun Harry had been in the mess hall. He was sitting alone at a table, drinking a coffee and eating his questionable lunch, waiting for Tom to join him, as he always did when they were on shift together. Tom was leaning over the counter joking with Neelix and Harry was watching him.

This wasn’t unusual. He was always watching Tom, unavoidable when you spend so much time with someone, wasn’t it? Staring at Tom’s neck from his position at Ops, waiting for the inevitable wisecrack in response to something Tuvok said. Opening his eyes under ocean water to see Tom’s bare legs kicking away from him after they’d accidentally touched. Tom’s hands gliding over the piloting controls on the way back from an unsuccessful away mission. He was always seeing the details of Tom, he was always wondering what it would be like to contain such a confident and smooth flowing energy.

He thought it was because he wanted to exude this energy himself.

He thought that was the only reason until staring at Tom bent over the counter and making Neelix laugh, a pleasant glint in his eye, turning towards Harry and giving him an amused half smile that hit him like an electric pulse. Suddenly Harry wanted to get up and violently grab Tom, shove him into the counter and press their lips together in front of everyone in the mess hall. The desire felt so whole and concrete, so attainable, that Harry almost felt himself doing it.

His response was to get up and leave the mess hall without finishing his lunch, without speaking to anyone. He went back to his quarters and paced around furiously, tried to play his clarinet but couldn’t. He was disgusted with himself.

It wasn’t that it was a desire, who doesn’t from time to time imagine kissing someone in passing? It was that it was an impulse. It was that he felt his body calling him to act it out. What if he had done it? It would have been a violation. It would have been an entirely unwarranted and self-serving action. Tom would be horrified if he knew. Tom wouldn’t feel comfortable spending so much time alone with him if he knew. Everything would suddenly mean something else, and Harry didn’t know what that something was.

He hadn’t had time to process these feelings before the incident with the Nasari. The difference in that moment was that he actually carried the impulse through. Resurfacing from his certainty in Sick Bay, he thought he was surely losing cohesion. Was he no longer able to decipher the difference between reality and fantasy?

What would he do to the people around him if he could no longer be held in place by the firmly set boundaries between his mind and the physical? It was horrifying. And Tom… Tom who encouraged him to loosen up. Tom who encouraged him to be more self-assured. Tom who inspired so many of his thoughts… Tom, just for the person Harry felt himself become in his presence, would surely see the worst of Harry, would surely suffer the worst from a Harry who couldn’t control himself.

And then there was Teresia.

There was a reason he had acted out of turn.

There was a new order placed upon the chaos, and there was no room for Tom to disrupt it. There was a clearly laid path, woven together by DNA and cultural expectations, that would give Harry the space to be a confident and respected individual while keeping him in close check, and those he loved on Voyager safe.

For a brief moment, for half a day, the promise of that had been everything.

Now, turning over in a strange bed, enchanted by strange scents and alien champagne, Harry realized that was too easy. The relinquishment of his former self – with all his doubts and worries – would not be worth the predetermined newer self.

All his life, he had been so proud of his diligence and determination. All his life he buried instinct under order, and when that became disrupted he ran. He could never become the confident person he strove to be if he accepted a new order of rigidity. The Joining Ceremony of Teresia was horrifying to him because it represented the polarity of his life – it was on the one hand a relinquishment of control, to allow oneself to be blindly led to wherever a bond between people can lead you. On the other side, it was purely regulation. It was a path laid by eons of custom and DNA sequencing, rules to abandon yourself to, literally tied and bound.

Every culture has its patterns, the linear application of steps to get from point A to point B. Harry was good at following these; being the perfect son, an exemplary Starfleet officer, musical vituoso and… lover of Libby. Lover of Eilann and Rinna, and some other girl, if he stayed here. But with a certain pilot, he couldn’t see the steps, and that scared him witless.

Before he was coaxed into sleep by mood enhancing Teresian tricks, Harry thought, why have I been so desperate to abandon myself to a new identity when it was already happening on Voyager, and I turned away from it at warp speed?


	7. Rift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's uncomfortable. Harry wants to go home.

It’s so stupid to be infatuated with your best friend.

Well, _theoretically_, thought Tom, it was pretty damn hot. But he wasn’t one to dwell too much on concepts and philosophy, preferring the world of tangible pleasures, however fleeting. And harbouring a secret _tenderness_ – that was the word that he had come up with, although he balked at the softness of it, he wasn’t ready to consider another word - for your best friend was, in reality, not a pleasure. Especially when said best friend is trapped on a planet protected by some magnetic field he didn’t currently have the patience to understand.

He wanted to take out one of the shuttles and hurtle himself at the planet mindlessly, maybe they’d take pity on an act of such pure, relentless, desperation and send Harry back? No, no, he was a Starfleet officer, and Starfleet officers keep their heads, even if this particular one had a rather dismal reputation. Besides, it would be rather embarrassing if Harry did return to Voyager only to find out Tom had died in a shuttle accident, blindly and frantically flying around like an idiot.

Tom Paris _smitten with, _except the end of the equation was missing. Tom Paris had always held more affection and frankly _gratitude _for Harry than anyone else in his life. It had been so long since he’d had a real friend that his brain – or heart – wouldn’t be able to contain the meaning of it being something else. But here he was, losing shape, because of.... Something he was experiencing a lot of discomfort adjusting to. Had been before he’d known what this was. He can’t lock down when it had happened, only that it didn’t make sense that he’d never made an outright move on Harry, and he made moves on everybody that wasn’t a superior officer. But not Harry.

Harry at the bar on DS9.

Harry at the bar on DS9 in a freshly pressed uniform, green behind the ears, but not backing away from him. Tom shying away from his usual lines because there was so much trust in that face.

Harry on the beach with a forever of blue water reflecting the light of a setting sun onto golden skin, and Tom having to look away because somehow it seemed indecent to see his friend exposed like that.

Harry looking up at him with a smile of pure relief on his face after getting tossed around in a dirty alien prison, and Tom wishing he didn’t have to see that smile, not there.

Harry with his hand on Tom’s thigh.

Harry with his hand on Tom’s thigh, and Tom making a stupid joke as if nothing rumbled deep inside him.

Yes, he was getting very uncomfortable.

__

Harry had a miserable night of dreaming; Voyager saying goodbye forever, his mother repeating “ you know who your real family is” and succumbing to Teresian beauties, which would have been perfectly fine, if he hadn’t felt the intense presence of Tom Paris looming over him. He never saw Tom, but he was there all night.

When he woke up to the real Rinna and Eilann canoodling up to him the first thing he noticed was the absence of Tom. Then there was of course the intense feeling of _get me the hell out of here_.

“ It’s alright. It’s alright, you were dreaming.” Eilann said softly, hand drifting down his chest.

Harry quickly got out of bed, away from them.

“ What are you doing here?” He couldn’t mask the displeasure in his voice.

“ We just want to help you relax, and enjoy yourself.” She said, as Rinna followed him out of the bed, hands finding him again.

“ Look, I appreciate the offer but I really rather be alone.” His voice was heavy and tired. He wanted to be back on Voyager.

“ I don’t believe that. I think you’ve been spending too many nights alone, Harry.” Her voice was dipped in honey, alluring in its inflections.

“ You’ve got to stop holding yourself back.” Rinna added. “ I know you have the same natural desires as any Teresian. Now, you’re free to act on them.” And she was right. He craved touch, he wanted intimacy, but not here, not now.

“ Can’t fight genetics.” Eilann punctuated, running a finger over his lips.

“ I can try.” He turned away, started fastening his boots to leave. The girls had something else in mind.

“ I want you to choose me, Harry.” Eilann said, dropping to her knees.

“ Choose both of us, then you’ll only have to find one more wife.” Rinna, following along.

This was moving a little quick for Harry’s taste, he laughed out loud in disbelief. “ I’m not joining with you, or with anybody.”

“ But that’s the reason that you’re drawn back home, Harry. To have children. Listen to your instincts.”

_Children? _

Nope. Definitely not in his instincts, Teresian or not, he was a few years away from that desire, if it would ever come.

“ No.” He verbalized, but Eilann held him back. “ Like I told you before, I’m going back to Voyager.” He reaffirmed.

They tried to tell him that he was more valuable to them than he ever would be on Voyager, or back on earth. Maybe it was true. He didn’t know. But he did know who he wanted to be valuable to, and he knew that they were worth proving himself to, which was enough of an answer.

He played along, only to get away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearing the end, folks! Maybe...


	8. Standard Issue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up after Harry escapes Eilanna and Rinna and discovers Taymon's body. Harry saves the day and Tom's relieved but anxious as to where they stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon divergence in this chapter! I couldn't help it, I love a good campy episode (but also I genuinely think it's more logical than whatever the show was trying to do, no offense to the writers, maybe a little offense to 90s television regulations).

Upon seeing Taymon’s drained and dead body Harry was initially horrified. _They were going to do that to me? _It was all very frightening. However, after threatening an answer out of one of Taymon’s widows, Harry’s scientific mind began working.

“ You know, on earth… We have formulated many ways for same sex couples to conceive.”

“ Do not try to deceive us. Your fate remains the same.”

“ No, really… I think you want to hear this.”

Very diplomatically Harry then explained the procedures developed on earth to help with conception outside of the traditional heterosexual standard. At first the Teresians were hesitant to accept the information, but after agreeing to let Voyager’s doctor send them all of their data on the topic they decided to release Harry.

“ To think! We’ve spent so much time and energy developing these complex genetic systems of luring men to us, when all along the answer was simply to be gay!” The leader of Teresia beamed, absolutely ecstatic, seeing as she identified as a flaming lesbian herself.

“ Glad we could help.” Grinned the Captain, amused now that the danger of losing Harry had passed, and frankly, thinking the Teresian leader was rather hot.

__

When Tom realized that Harry had saved the day by gifting the Teresians with the miracle of homosexuality he let himself believe it was Harry’s own tendencies that led him to that solution and not pure logic.

When he saw Harry across the room, chatting with Rinna and Eilann (who were now out as a couple, no longer having to witness the pain of each other attempting to seduce the strange men that showed up on their planet) his stomach did something funky. Harry was wearing a comfortably fitted Teresian outfit that accentuated his… many assets, and Tom couldn’t deny he enjoyed the view. He couldn’t deny how much he would have liked to stand in that room with one arm around the other man.

“ Nice wardrobe change,” he joked, when Harry came within earshot, “ Starfleet should consider it for Standard Issue.”

Harry’s reaction was something between startled and agitated, something a little beyond what Tom could read, something that made him think things would not be going back to normal between them. He didn’t even offer a verbal reply, simply walked past to speak to the Captain.

Tom’s heart folded in on itself. It had been pure logic, hadn’t it?

__

Harry was happy, but he didn’t feel at ease. Not yet.

B’Elanna had made a full recovery. None of the crew blamed him for being deceived and they were all glad to see him again. The Teresians were cooperating with the Doctor in order to have his DNA restored. He had potentially saved the lives of any man who passed through this sector and accidentally came into contact with the agent that initiated the change in DNA. He had altered the history of a planet, maybe now deserving the place of honour among them for more than just having XY chromosomes.

He was glad for all of it, but the experience had unearthed and forced him to recognize certain patterns and behaviours within himself he wasn’t sure he was ready to face.

Or more precisely, he wasn’t sure a certain other person was ready to face with him.

He was still on the planet’s surface, having discussed at length with many of the women here what he knew of modern alternative conception options. He found himself lingering in these conversations. A few hours ago he had wanted nothing more than to be beamed directly back to Voyager, now he was avoiding it.

He knew Tom had beamed down with the Captain and Tuvok again. He had seen an unmistakable flash of blond hair and his stomach had twisted up and he found himself turning away before catching Tom’s eye, unable to allow himself to confront the anticipation stirring inside himself. He had to take a deep breath, remind himself he had just undergone a very serious identity crisis and was allowed to give himself some time to recover before jumping into anything else. It’s not like Tom would take one look at him and immediately know Harry had developed an acute desire to see him undone.

When he saw Tom inspecting him from across the room, not doubt wondering why the hell Harry had swerved out of the hands of the Teresians, who Harry assumed Tom wouldn’t have minded dying for, his heart beat accelerated to approximately the same level it had upon seeing poor lifeless Taymon. Different reasons, of course.

“ Nice wardrobe change. Starfleet should consider it for Standard Issue.” Harry didn’t miss the slightly lengthier than necessary drag of Tom’s eye over his body. His heart went wonky for a beat and he wanted to pull Tom close, to feel something real and tangible against him (not some farce designed to harvest his genetic material), but he couldn’t let himself react. His Teresian genes were still intact, he didn’t know if they were manipulating how he interpreted the world. Or maybe they were manipulating how Tom saw him, temporarily removing the condition of Young Ensign Kim and filling him out as Harry, coveted sex object of Teresia.

Once he was himself again, Eager Young Ensign Kim back on duty, he would sort out whatever ridiculous feelings he’d been silencing under the comfort of protocols and regulations. When he broke out of that mould the responsibility would be _human _Harry Kim’s. No predestined grave, no alien genes reconfiguring him, just regular Harry.

He hoped it would be enough. If it wasn’t? He’d face that too.


	9. Chaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's human again and Tom will do anything not to ruin their friendship.

“ Couldn’t help but notice you’re not looking particularly cheerful today, Lieutenant.” Neelix remarked, refilling the cup of coffee Tom had been brooding over for the past half an hour.

“ Just tired, Neelix.”

“ All that lost sleep over Ensign Kim?”

It took Tom a moment to realize Neelix probably didn’t know the full extent of how true that was. “ Something like that.”

“ You can rest easy knowing he’ll be back on the bridge with you tomorrow!” Neelix beamed and he tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace.

Tom was really feeling in the pits despite knowing that was a dumb and selfish way to feel. Harry was back, Harry _chose _to come back, and yes there was a sweeping relief that came with that, but there were other feelings too. Tom knew he’d never get the perfect ending, not with Harry and not with anyone else, and he also knew that his pining heart would soften up and he could swallow down any hopes he’d barely begun to entertain regarding the other man, this was something he was good at. So there was pain in the moment, but wouldn’t there always be? And wasn’t Tom just a self-sabotaging lout who was bound to wound whoever was fool enough to come near him, and didn’t Harry know Tom well enough to see that a mile off?

It hit Tom like a plasma charge when he realized he already thought Harry was out of his head to be his best friend, to be another thing, to share a deeper intimacy, would be downright unbelievable. Like getting caught in a holoprogram where everything is just _too good_, too perfect, too right, to suspend your disbelief for. Harry and Tom would be the sweet sticky stuff stringing fantasy together, pure mushy goo that can’t hold from in the real world, and ain’t that for the best?

Tom would work for the friendship, even though he felt like he was watching it disintegrate. Harry hadn’t spoken to him or so much as looked his way since this mess with Teresia began, but Tom was willing to work for the rest of their long ride through the delta quadrant to get them back to being friends. That alone would be more than he’d ever done for anyone. That, on its own, could be enough for Tom to be proud. He wasn’t going to fuck – in every sense of the word – this up, not this time. 

When Harry showed up in the mess hall, spots gone and replaced with a healthy human glow, Tom’s stupid heart tripped for a pulse and when Harry smiled at him, warm and genuine and like nothing had ever been weird between them, it tripped again.

_Fuck_, Tom thought, if he looks at me like that again I probably will screw it all up, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“ And if it isn’t the man of the hour himself!” Neelix announced, graciously welcoming Harry and beckoning for him to grab a seat across from Tom. Which Harry accepted with easy grace and just as easily began reciting the story, humorous now that it had passed, of his time on Teresia, the feeling of being someone new.

And Tom couldn’t help but curse him silently through the whole ordeal. And respond to everything he said with eager enthusiasm and enough playful jabs to feel restored to a non-mopey version of himself.

Harry was looking at him again.

Harry was speaking to him normally again.

Harry was falling into easy banter and making it extremely difficult for Tom not to want to reach out and put an arm around him, not to pull him close and say _thank god thank god thank god _you’re back on Voyager where you belong.

Satisfied with Harry’s recount Neelix realized he’d been neglecting his mess hall duties and stood up to leave.

“ Well I for one am glad to have the young Ensign Kim back with us.” Neelix said, pinching Harry’s cheek in an over-affectionate gesture. “ Although I still think you should have kept some of those spots, I thought they were very distinguished.”

Harry grinned, and made eye contact with Tom, but something like nervousness flashed across his face and he quickly aimed his smile at the ground. Neelix taking his leave meant Tom and Harry were alone together for the first time since before any of this had happened.

Afraid that Harry would get up and leave, revert back to ignoring him, Tom grasped at where Harry had left off, expressing his excitement at briefly having held a new identity.

“ I don’t see what’s so bad about being you. You’re good at your job, everybody likes you.” Tom tried to check the confidence blooming in his chest, at seeing Harry smile and talk and laugh, at being part of it again.

Getting up to leave together Harry responded, “ being likeable is fine. But sometimes I wish I could be more bold, confident. More like you.” He stopped when he said it, looking at Tom directly, with an expression that bordered on vulnerable.

“ Like me?” Tom’s heart stuttered.

Harry gave a single nod, tilting his head and maintaining eye contact in a way that said, “ is that so crazy?”

Tom, in the exposure of the mess hall, fell into his usual routine, joked, “ You might want to reconsider that Harry, there could be prison time involved.” Harry genuinely laughed. Letting his confidence out a little more, Tom ventured, “ Actually, since I’ve been on Voyager, I’ve tried to be more like you.” It was an earnestness Tom almost never expressed, he could feel himself clumsy with the words, the right intonation.

Harry, for the briefest moment, looked like he believed him. Before, “that’ll be the day,” rolling his eyes and heading out of the mess hall.

In easy naturalness Tom fell instep beside him, a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “ I’m serious! You’re my role model, you’re reliable, hardworking, extremely punctual, did I mention polite?”

“ Alright, alright, stop mocking me.” Harry didn’t say it very convincingly.

Tom internally cursed for making light of what, for a second, had been a genuine conversation bordering on emotionally vulnerable. Did Harry really think everyone only saw him as young Ensign Kim? Was that important to him?

Tom stopped walking, his hand drifting from Harry’s shoulder down his arm.

“ In all seriousness, I’m glad you’re you.”

“ Ha, sure.” Harry joked, but his eyes were fixated on Tom’s hand, resting at the edge of his sleeve and lightly grazing the bare skin of his wrist. The contact suddenly charged, Tom withdrew his hand, but he didn’t want to back down from making his point.

“ You’re more than just young Ensign Kim, Harry. I want you to know that I see that.” Despite the nerves accumulating in the form of butterflies in his stomach Tom forced himself to maintain eye contact. This was fine, wasn’t it? This is good asserting-you-are-important-to-me-as-a-friend conversation?

Harry seemed startled by the admission. Tom could see the uncertainty in his eyes, followed by a slow creep of a blush when neither of them broke the moment with a joke. _Oh_, he’d crossed the boundary he set, and if Harry blushed like that again he’d only keep doing it and _for once _Tom wasn’t only thinking about the short term, he was going to have to stop this.

“ Look, Harry…” He began, but his breath got lost in his lungs when he realized how close Harry was. Had one of them been moving forward? There was only the space of a few inches between them and Tom’s newfound strength was about to go on pause when of course, the mess hall door hissed open.

Harry and Tom both leaped away from each other, naturally making them look extremely guilty. When Chakotay walked between them Tom most definitely saw the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

“ Gentlemen.” He greeted. “ Glad to have you back, Harry.”

“ Glad to be back, sir.” Harry responded, looking at the ground.

Tom felt winded, cheated and thankful that the Commander had interrupted when he did. They could pretend the before part had never happened. They could be friends.

“ What were you going to say?” Harry asked, looking up at him, and what _had _Tom been about to say? That Harry’s continued presence in his life was the most important thing to him? That he was willing to bury his traitorous instincts to maintain it? How about, Hello Harry, there is nothing more in the delta quadrant, or any part of space, that I want more than to feel you next to me, in whatever capacity, so let’s just be friends because that’s not all I want but it’s enough and we both know it’s better for you?

Instead, “ Just… Just glad you’re back Har, that’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Harry gonna let Tom off the hook for that swerve??? Stay tuned!


	10. Tempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has trouble confronting Tom.

It was only a single stride forward for Harry to close the distance between them. It was only a slight tilt of his chin and a hand resting on a hipbone to make his intentions entirely clear. He didn’t quite shove Tom against the wall as forcefully as the images invading his mind had been doing the past week, but the catch of breath in the other man’s throat, the helpless sigh – nearly a whimper- against his lips, made him wonder why he’d been avoiding this desire so long.

He was trying to kiss Tom in a way that said _you’re stupid. _He was trying not to get lost in the softness of his lips, or the stubble bristling against his chin or the intoxicating—

They were still in a public corridor. Harry pulled away, but kept his hands where they were, firmly holding Tom near.

“ Why… Why did you do that, Harry?” A breathless and flushed Tom asked.

“ Because I wanted to. And you’re an idiot.” Harry near smirked, but he was being serious. The temptation of leaning in again was only overruled by their proximity to the mess hall.

“ Funny way of saying so.”

“ Do you mind?”

“ Can’t say I do.”

“ Can I do it again?” Damn if he cared if anyone saw.

Tom’s expression was briefly pained, in an aroused, helpless sort of way. Harry started to lean in but Tom turned his head.

Frowning, “ what’s the matter?”

“ Harry… Harry, Harry… I couldn’t do this to you.” Tom avoided his eye, bit his lip.

“ No offense Tom, but I think I was doing something to you, not the other way around.” Harry let his hand drift a little lower than the hipbone and Tom tried to suffocate another sound, he was only slightly unsuccessful.

“ Harry um… I think you might want to get your head examined. Maybe the Doc didn’t restore your human DNA properly.”

Harry frowned again, backing away from Tom. “ I’m sorry, Tom. I thought I was reading the signals here.”

“ You are. You’re reading the signals loud and clear, I just, don’t think it’s such a good idea.” Tom was looking about and anxiously fidgeting now that he was out of Harry’s hold. It contrasted against his usual easy confidence. Confidence Harry had thought Tom Paris would exude more than ever in this kind of encounter.

“ Why not?” Harry might not have been as experienced as Tom was when it came to physical intimacy, but he was pretty sure he could tell when someone was enjoying it…

“ Do you mind taking this somewhere else?”

“ My quarters?” Harry offered, unsure what this meant. Privacy could lead to some rather interesting activities, but one of those could be a yelling match.

“ Mine are closer.” Tom immediately turned to walk towards them, quickly and without looking back at Harry. He was more agitated than Harry had almost ever seen him. Had he done something really wrong?

When they got to Tom’s quarters he only became edgier. He sat down and then stood again, paced a few steps and then in the other direction. Harry didn’t move into the room, remained standing by the doorway. He tried to restrain his feelings, keeping his manner calm, but internally he was beginning to spin. Did he just ruin the greatest friendship he’d ever had?

“ Can I get you anything?” Tom offered, walking across the room, wringing his hands.

“ Yeah, an explanation would be good.” Harry’s voice came out evenly. He’d known Tom was skittish about intimacy, he should have anticipated him getting all freaked out, despite clearly enjoying the contact.

“ God, Harry. You’re not making this easy.” Tom looked at him then, his eyes almost pleading.

“ I thought I was making it very easy.” Harry stated dryly.

Nervously looking away, Tom began again, “ look… I really… I want to be friends.”

“ We are friends Tom,” but Harry’s stomach lurched. _Just _friends?

Tom threw his hands, expressed himself in an exasperated tone “ are we? You’ve been ignoring me for three days and now suddenly you’re kissing me in the corridor!”

Harry frowned. He had done that, hadn’t he? “ I was only ignoring you because…”

Tom jumped in when Harry faltered. “ Because why? Because I can never take anything seriously and I screw around and you can’t trust me?”

“ What the hell? No! Of course not!”

“ Well that should have been it.” Tom said in a quieter, morose sounding voice.

“ Have you done something bad, Tom?” Harry’s tone teetering on the edge of sarcastic.

“ Yeah, lots of things,” Tom huffed, crossing his arms.

“ Is this an I-have-a-past spiel again?” Suddenly things were making a little more sense for Harry. Tom never gave it up, did he? No matter how well adjusted he now seemed on Voyager, he was still self-conscious, self-doubting and as self-deprecating as ever.

“ So what if it is?” Tom said it a little quieter, and Harry detected a possible tinge of embarrassment.

He was feeling angrier and angrier, however unreasonable, at how unable to see reality Tom was. “ So what? So what, it’s the past! You’re not like that anymore and I don’t care that you used to be!”

“ People don’t change.” Tom responded stiffly.

“ Then I guess I’m just Ensign Eager forever then? No hope of anyone ever seeing me differently, might as well give up?”

“ Maybe so.”

“ That’s not what you said in the hallway, Tom.”

They were both silent.

Harry began again. “ That’s the easy way out, Tom. We both know it. And look, if you don’t want… if you don’t want to be physical with me, I get it, just say so.” Tom looked like he was about to interrupt but Harry didn’t let him, “ The reason I was ignoring you is because… Well, the clean version is that I was scared. About how you make me feel, and being too comfortable – that’s not the right way to put it… Being too, loose? Unpredictable? Following my intuition, the whole acting without thinking thing. You know me, I could recite you the rules and regulations of Starfleet in my sleep. That’s always been where I strive. It’s difficult for me to be anything else, but I _want _to be. Tom, I want to be something else.”

Tom seemed to be processing several different emotions before he finally said, “ So… what’s the explicit version?”

“ What?”

“ You said that was the clean version.” He gave a cocky half smile that made Harry feel he’d really convinced him.

He felt himself blush, tried to cover it up. “ Are you sure you want to hear that? A second ago you were practically running away from me.”

Tom paused before he spoke, took a deep breath. He didn’t seem nearly as agitated now, but like he was resigned to something. “ Harry… I made a deal with myself I wouldn’t fuck this up.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ I’m weak, Harry. I always have been. The only thing I can do right is fly the ship, and everyone knows it. Nobody trusts me, except for some reason you. And you shouldn’t, because I’ll just hurt you in the end. And I really, really, don’t want to do that, Harry.” His voice softened, “That’s the last thing I ever want to do.”

Harry pretended to think about what Tom said before taking a half step towards him. “ What if I said I’m willing to get hurt?”

“ You shouldn’t be. You deserve someone nice. You deserve someone like Libby.”

“ You don’t even know Libby!” Harry exclaimed. _Unbelievable, _he thought, absolutely unbelievable.

“ All I’m saying is I can see a million reasons why you’re good for me but not the other way around.” _Did he really believe that? _It was worse than Harry had thought.

“ I literally just told you why you’re good for me!” Harry nearly yelled, almost able to feel the frustration raising his blood pressure.

“ Because I make you scared?” Tom responded, just as loudly.

“ YES!” Harry really did yell it. “I want to be scared! I want to be terrified! I want to be with you and have no idea where that’s going to end up and just…” Lowering his voice to a more reasonable level, “watch you be the person I know you can be, who you already are.”

Tom gave him a distant starry-eyed look, “ I’m going to check you into sick bay.”

“ Fine. Come along and I’ll show you what I want to do to you on one of the biobeds.” It came out more annoyed sounding that Harry anticipated, but the effect was the same.

Tom faltered again, closed his eyes and took in a ragged breath. “ Harry. I warned you. I’m weak.”

“ So you keep saying… but I think I’d like to experience it for myself.”

Tom opened his eyes abruptly. “ Jesus Harry, are you trying to kill me?”

Harry took another step towards him. “ Only if you want me to.”

Tom just looked at him.

“ I’m going to walk across this room and kiss you, and maybe some other things I think you might like, but if you tell me no I’ll leave this room and we can go back to being friends and pretend none of this ever happened.”

Tom looked like he was focusing very hard on getting air in and out of his lungs.

Harry took a step, Tom seemed to be regarding his every move with extreme anticipation but made no sign against it. The emotional charge in the room dissipated Harry’s usual desires for rough passion, replacing it with something more tender, more sweet. Tom needed to be reassured, he knew now.

He placed a hand on Tom’s cheek, brushing a thumb along his cheekbone, other hand on his lower back, with only enough pressure to imply the idea that Tom move closer, which he did willingly.

Leaning in, lips barely brushing over Tom’s he spoke, “ this is what I want, Tom. You can’t convince me otherwise.”

Tom’s voice was a barely audible croak, “ care to wager on that?”

Harry didn’t reply, only kissed him.


	11. Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Harry get SPICY, if that ain't your thing then do yourself a favour and don't read this!

Tom was a sensualist. It had been more than one time he’d abandoned all logic, laws, ethics, regulation, in favour of feeling. Feelings are what he trusted above all else, even when he knew they were doing him wrong. He liked getting swept up in things, dealing with the consequences later. It made everything exciting.

He was someone who looked for the perfect stimulant to overrule him, thus allowing many things to rule him. His flirtatious whims, alcohol, dangerous and precarious piloting, disobedience, emotions. Being stranded in the Delta Quadrant, finding a family on Voyager, was the only thing that had ever reeled him in. People here might not trust him, but they sure as hell depended on him. It had been a hell of a lot of work for him to come to terms with that responsibility; to think of himself as anything but dispensable hadn’t been in his emotional vocabulary for quite some time.

When he tried to turn from it, when he got needlessly reckless, Harry was always there to steer him back. In honesty, so was everyone on Voyager, but Harry was the only one that didn’t make Tom bristle in response. Sure, Harry being nervous about alien strip clubs and the effects of some unknown fruits, was something of a challenge to Tom, but it was playful, never redoubling his determination to do whatever stupid thing came up next.

Now Harry was kissing him. Harry, his grounding force, was kissing him softly and sweetly and gently tugging at the hair at the base of his neck for the _second _time. Tom knew that he was being over eager, that pulling Harry closer and running his hands up his back – a back he already knew was well muscled but to _touch _was something else, even through the stiff fabric of his uniform – contradicted all the helpless protestations he’d made about thinking this _wasn’t a good idea. _That Harry merely running his tongue over Tom’s lip made him moan and a hand tracing the outline of his hip making him go positively weak surely communicated to Harry how much of a farce Tom was. _Cocky Flyboy Always Chasing Tail Instantaneously Melts into Younger Junior Officer’s Embrace at First Contact. _

How was it possible that Harry, always there to balance him, always there to steady his hand, could also completely undo him?

Harry was the one to pull away, but he didn’t go far, keeping Tom entangled in his arms. Through heavy breaths he asked, “ is this okay?”

Tom gave a laugh that had he been less weak, his heart not racing quite so quickly, might have sounded hysterical. Instead of verbally answering he simply pushed his hips into Harry, allowing him to feel his response…

Tom blushed unexpectedly, suddenly growing unsure. Was that too forward? Harry really seemed like the type to take it slow and he should respect that if he didn’t want this to burst into flames before it even began.

Opening his mouth to apologize Harry took the opportunity to push his tongue back into Tom’s mouth, causing him to shudder. Tom made no protest when Harry shoved him against the nearest bulkhead and hands began tugging at clothing. Tom was nearly butter when Harry moved to kiss down his jawline, trailing sloppy kisses towards his neck.

“ Ensign Kim, you do know I am your _superior officer._” Tom gasped, trying not to embarrass himself completely.

Harry pulled back and gave him a quizzical look. Feeling the loss of his mouth Tom’s instinct was to pull him back immediately, but he wasn’t going to be _that _easy.

“ Think you can get away with this kind of behaviour?” He said cheekily.

Harry’s eyes darkened in arousal. “ I think you like it.” He leaned in and continued kissing down his neck, focusing in one a particularly sensitive spot Tom exhaled raggedly, _fucking hell. _

Feeling a wave of confidence return to him Tom grasped Harry firmly and reversed their positions, so Harry was pressed into the bulkhead. He didn’t lean in, instead took a long look up and down the dishevelled Ensign, relishing the sight of his half undone uniform and mussed hair, the startled but wanting expression. Tom slowly, teasingly, ran a hand from the base of Harry’s neck down his chest.

“ So maybe I like it. But I asked if you thought I’d let you get away with it.” Tom’s voice was husky, his hand now trailing down Harry’s abdomen.

“ Think you’re going to top me, Tom?” Harry responded, almost mischievously, but he lost all composure when Tom’s hand drifted below his waistline, brushing against his erection.

Any desire for banter Tom had left when he saw Harry’s face fill with anticipation and pleasure. His plan of flipping the tables and slowly torturing him with pleasure also went out the airlock. He leaned in and kissed Harry again, while undoing his pants and rather ungracefully shoving his hand down them and taking Harry in hand.

Harry let out a grunt and leaned into Tom’s touch.

“ God, _Tom._” Harry whimpered, which was almost enough to make Tom moan but he stifled it and begun stroking Harry slowly. “ Tom, I wanted this, so long, I didn’t realize, _Tom.” _Harry panted.

Tom grinned. “ You’re not making much sense, Har,” he whispered into his ear.

Harry didn’t seem to care, began tugging at the jacket of Tom’s uniform. “ Take this off.” It might have sounded like a command if he wasn’t so out of breath.

“ Sure, Har. Whatever you want.” Tom’s voice was teasing. He removed his hand from stroking Harry, which elicited a dissatisfied groan, but Harry’s hands were no less insistent in removing Tom’s clothing. After some awkward manoeuvring they were both shirtless and kissing again, Harry grinding helplessly into Tom and Tom desperately trying to restrain himself from losing all control.

Knowing that if Harry kept what he was doing up he would melt into a useless mush Tom bent to work. If he analyzed it, which he certainly wasn’t doing in that moment, he would have realized he was still feeling too guilty and unworthy to take any pleasure from Harry, but to _give _it was definitely something he was capable of.

He began kissing down Harry’s jaw, playfully nipping at his earlobe, before kissing and lightly biting down his neck. Harry was responsive to it all, trying to move to get Tom to touch him more, running his hands down Tom’s back, through his hair.

He continued his trail of kisses and bites, running a tongue along Harry’s collarbone, causing him to moan and buck his hips forward. Lower still, he took a nipple between his lips, swirling his tongue around it while his hand lightly pinched the other one. Tom then repeated on the other side before dropping fully to his knees and laying sloppy wet kisses down Harry’s navel. Looking up at him he placed a kiss over the cloth containing Harry’s erection.

“ Tom, you don’t have--”

Tom licked up the length of him. “ Do you not want me to?”

“ I want you.” Harry was barely able to say. In one swift movement Tom tugged Harry’s remaining clothing down, freeing his erection.

“ God Harry,” Tom said, stroking him again with his hand, “ you’re beautiful.”

“ You’ve seen it before.” Harry was flushed, a mixture of highly aroused and embarrassed at his new nakedness.

“ Not like this.” Tom responded before licking up and down Harry’s shaft. He could hear him take in a breath and hold it, and when he put his lips around him and slowly took him into his mouth he heard him release that breath as a soft moan.

Tom knew he should take his time to savour this, that it might never happen again, but the heat of Harry’s body, the musky smell of him, his salty taste, was overpowering. He was straining in his own pants, desperate for friction but didn’t dare touch himself. _Harry first, _he kept thinking.

Bobbing his head up and down Harry’s shaft, running his tongue along it, he watched as Harry closed his eyes and lost himself in his own pleasure. He took Harry completely into his mouth, swallowing around him, causing him to gasp.

“ Tom!” Harry exclaimed, gripping a hand into his hair, almost pushing Tom’s head towards himself but clearly restraining. Determined to get Harry to completely let go Tom sped up and then slowed down, painfully teasing. Harry groaned and bucked his hips in response. If he didn’t have a cock halfway down this throat Tom would have smiled, instead he redoubled his efforts.

Harry gripped his hair harder, almost painfully, and Tom knew he was close. He sucked and swallowed again and Harry shuddered, releasing himself with a loud cry into Tom’s mouth and nearly losing his balance.

Recovering after a moment of panting Harry exclaimed, “ I’m sorry, I should have warned you.” Tom finished licking Harry up before placing a kiss just above Harry’s cock.

“ Don’t apologize for giving me exactly want I wanted, Harry.” They made eye contact, Harry’s face flushed and beaded with sweat, his eyes still halfway lost in pleasure, the bulkhead supporting most of his weight. It was something Tom never thought he’d see in person. He swallowed, “ something I’ve wanted for a long time.”

Harry gave him a pleasantly exhausted half grin, “ get up here so I can kiss you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a much longer than usual wait time! Was away for a spell, but trying to get back into it. Haven't written anything like this in about ten years so my gears are a little rusty but it's an attempt.


	12. Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> picks up right where we left off and does NOT simmer down (this is a warning {it's also a lot sappier than intended, but it's not my fault, it's what the characters wanted})

Harry was pleased, elated even. He felt like his whole body was singing and any reservations he’d normally have about baring his entire soul to the man he was in love with were temporarily numbed out. Tom was looking up at him with a complicated mixture of emotions; pleasure, desire, lust (mostly lust), and maybe a hint of adoration, but it was obscured by nerves. Somewhere in the back of Harry’s pleasure soaked mind he became aware that Tom _still _didn’t feel secure about him.

In his current state, his reaction was to laugh.

He pulled Tom to his feet, lacing one hand with his and placing the other on Tom’s hip. He leaned forward, although still wobbly, and kissed Tom sloppily through his laughter before resting his head on the other man’s bare shoulder. 

“ What’s so funny?” Tom asked, his voice a little nervous.

“ You are.” Harry sighed, pulling him closer. “ That was nice,” he laughed again.

“ Well I’m glad you thought it was _nice._” Tom said, and if his tone didn’t explain how he was feeling, the sudden tenseness in his body did.

Harry looked up at him, “ I only say _nice _because there isn’t a word in the galaxy to explain how I actually feel. Which is, um… really good.” As if to prove the point Harry let more of his weight be supported by Tom, his knees too weak to hold him up.

Tom smirked, “ you’re going to be embarrassed you said that later.”

“ Probably. But I have more pressing things to worry about now.” Harry responded, drifting his hand from Tom’s hip to what was quite literally pressing against him. Tom flushed. “ You gonna fuck me, Tom?” Harry whisper against his jaw.

Tom whimpered but collected himself shortly, “ I thought… I thought you wanted to take the lead on that.”

“ Another time.” Harry replied, hooking a finger in Tom’s waistband and pulling him towards the bedroom. Walking backwards he kept bumping into things but he didn’t want to break the contact between them. He stopped to kiss him, running his free hand up and down Tom’s chest, moving his lips down his neck focusing in on the spot he was quickly learning Tom liked.

“ You’re going to leave a mark, Har.” Tom warned between gasps.

“ Since when does that bother you?” Harry asked, before running his tongue over the spot again.

“ It--” moan “ doesn’t” sigh “ but it _will _bother you later.” Tom finally said. Harry stopped what he was doing and looked Tom in the eye.

“ I don’t care if people know about us.” He stated, although his heart began to race after he realized what he was admitting. His words definitely had some sort of effect on Tom, who seemed to soften.

“ Har--”

“ I already told you I want to be with you.” Harry rushed to say before Tom could protest. “ I didn’t just mean your body. You, Tom, _you._”

“ You still won’t like it when everyone’s gossiping about our sex life.” Tom retorted and Harry felt himself blush. He _was _right.

“ No, but it’s… worth it, if you like what I’m doing…”

“ Harry. You could force me to endure one of Tuvok’s meditation programs on the holodeck and I would still enjoy it if I got to be with you.”

“ Well, in that case I’ve discovered a particularly long Vulcan chant you might be interested--” Tom cut him off with a kiss, and pushed him towards the bed. Harry fell back with a groan, displeased that Tom hadn’t tumbled down with him until he felt his pants being tugged off. Normally Harry would feel embarrassed to be fully exposed like this with someone for the first time, but feeling Tom drinking in the sight of him only made his head feel hotter. He was quickly becoming very aroused again.

Tom was slow in taking his own pants off, unable to take his eyes off Harry.

“ I’m getting cold.” Harry said, nudging Tom with his leg.

“ And what exactly would you like me to do about that?” Tom responded, before straddling him.

“ This is a good start.” Harry said, pulling Tom down for another wet kiss and reaching for his erection, which he slowly began stroking. With every breathless sound Tom made he felt himself surge with desire.

But Tom had something else he wanted to get to. He slid off of Harry, turning him so he was on his side and he was spooning him, he grabbed hold of Harry’s cock and began rubbing his own erection against Harry's ass. Harry, already weak from his last orgasm, felt like he was going to melt into a puddle. Tom’s free hand was running all over him; his back, his neck, his chest, before settling in his hair and pulling Harry’s head back.

Harry moaned into it as Tom kissed down his neck. He reached around and grabbed Tom’s ass, pulling him as close as he could and eliciting a groan from Tom. They continued moving like that until – to Harry’s great dissatisfaction – Tom disentangled himself. He was less disappointed when he realized Tom was getting the lube.

“ I wanna watch you.” Harry said without thinking. Tom’s head snapped up to look at him, clearly surprised at the request.

“ You’re freakier than you look, Har.”

Harry just shrugged with a slight grin and motioned for Tom to continue. Coating his hand with lube he began to slowly stroke himself. Harry had imagined his – despite his best efforts not to – since almost the beginning of their friendship. It did not compare to the real thing. Tom with his breath hitching, naked skin flushing, and _looking at Harry_ was almost too much to think about. Good thing he wasn’t thinking much.

“ As much as I love that you like watching me jerk off, I’ve got some other things planned.” Tom said huskily, climbing into the bed again. Harry wasn’t exactly disappointed. Especially not when Tom’s hand, still coated in lube, slipped between his thighs and began massaging him.

Harry moaned, feeling suddenly nervous but any reservations he had fell away when a finger was slowly pushed inside him. He let out a gasp, at how good it felt, at his surprise at already being so relaxed. It didn’t take long for Tom to find exactly where Harry wanted to be touched.

“ Fuck Tom,” Harry gasped as he slipped another finger in.

“ You like it?” Tom breathed, although from his tone it was clear that Tom _knew _he did, and Harry was glad his cockiness was returning. He responded by thrusting into Tom causing Tom to groan. “ I never thought I’d see you like this.” He said it almost to himself, but Harry still heard.

“ Disappointed?” Harry gasped, proceeded by a needy whine, as Tom curled his fingers inside him.

“ You know I’m not.” Tom whispered back, kissing his jaw before tugging at Harry’s earlobe with his teeth. He was moving slowly in Harry, almost treating him delicately, learning which movements would cause him to go weakest. He felt him add another finger and Harry knew he was ready.

“ Tom.” He whispered hoarsely, “ I need you now.”

Tom’s gentle thrusting became a little harder, “ say it again.” It was somewhere between a gruff command and the actual need to be certain.

“ I need you. I want you. I need you.” Harry repeated near senselessly.

Tom pulled out of him, grabbed the bottle of lube and slathered more of it on himself before getting into position. Harry looked up at him, bending his knees to make it easier. Tom’s pupils were blown with want, but it was clear he was nervous. Harry reached up and touched his face, running a finger lightly over his lips.

“ Do you want this?” He asked it quietly, no hint of mocking, no hint that he was already sure of the answer.

Tom took in a shaky breath and nodded. Seeing him like this was so unlike anything Harry had ever imagined. Normally so confident, or at least making a good show of it, to see Tom express nervousness, to see him vulnerable, felt like something Harry had entirely for himself, something that would only ever exist between the two of them. When he pushed inside him Harry took in a sharp breath. Tom looked at him with questioning eyes, to which Harry simply nodded yes.

He began moving slowly, and Harry felt himself unwind and give in to the sensation. Tom was fighting back a twisted expression of pleasure, watching Harry’s every response to his movement. When he adjusted his angle Harry nearly yelled from the sudden spike of pleasure running through him.

Before Tom could say anything Harry moaned, “ Fuck Tom, stop teasing me,” and began bucking his hips. Tom smirked and nearly drew himself out before slowly pushing in and hitting the same spot. Harry moaned loudly before Tom slammed into him and began moving in quick bursts.

“ I’m not going to last long.” Tom managed to say between moans and attempts to compose himself. Harry could only cry out helplessly, lost in pleasure. Tom thrust hard several more times, and Harry knew they were both close.

“ I want you to come in me.” Harry whispered and Tom’s eyes flew open at the request, locking onto Harry’s before losing himself to release. The sight of Tom coming inside him was so hot, so exactly what he always wanted to see, Harry immediately followed, pleasure coursing through his entire body.

Tom tumbled on top of Harry, winded. The satisfaction from the pleasure, from having Tom’s sweaty naked body against him had Harry uncontrollably grinning when he recovered. He ran a hand through Tom’s hair.

“ You alright?” He asked when Tom didn’t stir from his spot with his head pressed into Harry’s chest.

The other man let out an exaggerated huff, “ you really are going to kill me Harry.” He mumbled against his skin.

“ I hope you could hold off from dying for a little while, it would be nice to do that again.” Harry sighed, although he would need a serious break before that. He could already tell his body would be aching soon, in all the most pleasant ways.

Tom let out a half laugh half pleased groan before wrapping his arms tightly around Harry. After a few seconds of lying in utter contentment Tom raised his head to look at him.

Meeting his eye Harry was suddenly worried . Tom’s eyes were glassy, almost as if he was about to cry – in fact, there were a few tears already on his cheeks.

“ What’s wrong?” Harry whispered, afraid of the answer. Why couldn’t Tom allow them both to have another few minutes of this peace? But he couldn’t stand it, could he? Having something nice for himself.

Tom took one of Harry’s hands and began tracing delicate circles with his thumb. He was clearly working himself up to say something. Harry resolved to stay entirely quiet. He was too exhausted to fight Tom if that’s what he tried to do.

Tom placed a kiss on Harry’s wrist before looking back up at him. “ You know I love you, don’t ya Har?”

It took a moment of staring at each other for it to sink in. Harry let out a visible sigh of relief, “ God Tom, I thought you were going to try and convince me this was a bad idea again.”

“ Oh there was certainly nothing bad there. Dirty, filthy, freaky, but not _bad._” Tom flashed his cocky grin and Harry thought maybe he would be the one to die today.

Harry smiled, “ I love you too, Tom.”


	13. Obvious

Tom and Harry hadn’t spoken since that morning. They’d woken up in a tangle of sheets and limbs after a night of catharsis. What had been building for the last three years was spent, and Tom could feel it in his body, which felt raw and scrubbed over (maybe that was mostly due to some vigorous shower activities they’d gotten into after waking up, but it might also have been his release from emotional limbo).

Tom was tired, his body heavy and stiff, keenly desiring to be horizontal in his own bed after a shot or two of top shelf non-synthoholic whiskey. Those desires had to be set on pause, because the Captain had _of course _dipped into another bout of diplomacy and was hosting _yet another _alien race in the mess hall, to familiarize ourselves with a new culture, make some new friends, as she put it. Normally Tom liked this sort of thing. It was a chance to flirt with otherworldly beauties and either drool over or laugh at the specs of alien spacecraft tech.

Today, not so much. Tom had taken up time sulking alone in a corner over a drink in the past, especially when he first arrived on Voyager, but his nature was more that of a host, even if that host is trying to wrangle replicator rations or a hot date out of the guests. Today, he was back to the former. Sitting alone, Tom wasn’t exactly sulking. It would be more accurate to say he was distracted. Distracted by a young ensign, the intense desire to be near him, and the equally intense uncertainty if it would be acceptable.

Last night Harry had said _I don’t care if people know about us _and Tom’s heart had nearly stopped. This morning Harry, half dressed and hair still dripping from the shower, musing about how certain members of the crew would react to them, and Tom practically beaming from the endorphin rush he got from the mere _idea _of people knowing _Harry Kim _was in love with _Tom Paris. _In the solitude of his quarters it had all seemed so certain. He’d felt with Harry something he hadn’t even considered possible – to actually admit his feelings, not only to the other man, but also to himself. A whirlwind rush of ecstatic fizz had pumped through his bloodstream for half the day. The Captain noticed, and Chakotay had given him a knowing grin.

B’Elanna clunked down across from him at the table.

“ I know it’s all in the interest of exploration, but sometimes I wish the Captain wouldn’t stop for _every _single ship we come across. You wouldn’t believe the idiotic stuff their engineer was blabbing about when I showed them the warp core—why are you grinning like that?” She eyed him skeptically.

“ Just glad to see you.” Tom replied, trying to hide his expression behind his glass as he took a sip.

“ No. That is definitely not a look you’ve ever given me.” B’Elanna said, crossing her arms and leaning back in the chair, “ what is it, Paris? One of our new visitors catch your eye?”

“ I don’t know what you mean.” Tom responded, but he wasn’t paying much attention. Harry had just entered the room, looking absolutely exhausted, and the thought of what made him that way caused another grin he wasn’t able to suppress. B’Elanna noticed and turned to see what he was looking at.

Raising an eyebrow, “ Interesting.”

“ What is?” Tom asked absentmindedly, he’d caught Harry’s eye, and while mid-sentence speaking to Neelix and some alien diplomat Harry had gone a little pink, a smile attempting to creep up, but he was doing his best to keep composure during the conversation. Neelix was gazing around, trying to locate the source of Harry’s momentary distraction.

“ Oh nothing. Just that Harry was also inexplicably glowing today. I guess he was also happy to see me.” B’Elanna shrugged. Tom didn’t even respond, staring at Harry intently to see if he could make him blush again, but he was pointedly (at least in Tom’s smug imagination) avoiding his gaze. “ Oh my god!” B’Elanna cried, startling him.

“ What’s the matter?” Tom asked, looking at her as if he hadn’t noticed she was there until that moment.

She sighed and shook her head, “ you’re insufferable. Stop ogling and just go talk to him!”

“ What?” Although Tom knew exactly _what._

“ Paris, you and Harry were obvious to everyone before it was obvious to you two, but it’s _obvious now _that you’ve figured it out, so _please _stop pretending to listen to me and go to your man.” She was glaring at him and her tone conveyed its classic Klingon heat, but there was amusement there too.

Tom, again, couldn’t help but smile. “ If that’s what _you _want…”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes as he got up but before he walked away she added, “ I’m happy for you Tom. But if you hurt him… Know you’re answering to me.” She smirked at him, and if she’d been talking about anyone else, if last night hadn’t gone how it did, he might have been worried. Before last night Tom would have thought it would be impossible for him not to hurt those around him, because that’s what he always did, that was the most reliable part of him. But with Harry, now… Something was different. So he only smiled, not minding the pain accumulating in his cheeks from all his flashy happiness.

Having B’Elanna’s blessing, as he chose to see it, Tom didn’t second guess wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist when he was close. Harry, mid-conversation, faltered in his speech a second, a half smile pulling at his lips when they made eye contact, before picking up where he left off. Neelix gave Tom a not-so-subtle thumbs up and Tom felt more at home than he ever had in the alpha quadrant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a WRAP! until I come back and edit it later, which may or may not happen, I don't know at this point. All I know is that it's gotta sit on the shelf for awhile at least, but thank you for reading all the way to the end!! New to this fandom (half a season away from finishing Voyager for the first time) and very very pleased that so many other people have picked up on this pairing, and written so much about it. Have a gay day, see you next time :~)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I keep thinking about this episode but it got me here


End file.
